How I Helped a Young Man Cure Premature Ejaculation in 10 Minutes
Karen J. Gless, PhD
I’m a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in sex therapy. I frequently see men who suffer from and need to cure premature ejaculation. In particular I remember one young patient, we can call him Bill, who was going through a lot of emotional pain. He was afraid that he was letting his partner down and he really want to last longer. Those who don’t understand the problem often call men with this problem selfish and self-centered. But that is very far from the truth.
Men who want to last longer in bed usually believe that overwhelming pleasure is their problem. There are too many therapists and psychologists who think the same way. The idea behind much of the therapy designed to cure premature ejaculation is to reduce sensation and pleasure. That’s why so many people recommend numbing cream for premature ejaculation. I don’t think that’s a good idea and when you understand the real causes of the problem, you will agree with me.
In working with my clients I have found that there is a personality for premature ejaculation. Men who have a problem with coming too soon generally want everything yesterday. Sex is as goal-oriented as the rest of their lives. Now that can be a good thing in many areas of life. The man who is looking to cure premature ejaculation is usually successful at work and in sports because he is very goal-oriented. This was certainly true for Bill, who had a good income and played basketball in college.
But making love is not about winning and losing. Love-making is a vacation from the usual pressures of life. It’s time to leave goals and achievement behind. It’s time to enjoy yourself and your partner.
To really find the cure for premature ejaculation we need to know about how being sexually aroused turns into an orgasm. To get aroused and get an erection, a man needs to relax. An erection is produced by the part of the nervous system that is in charge of relaxation. It’s called the parasympathetic system. So love-making begins by relaxing.
An orgasm is the result of shifting from the relaxed state to the active state. Getting turned on and having an erection is the result of the relaxed or parasympathetic state. The orgasm is run by the action or sympathetic system. The man who comes too soon goes from the relaxation state to the action state so fast that the shift is automatic. Bill told me, “I get turned on. We start having sex and then suddenly I just come and I can’t do anything about it.”
Learning to Enjoy the Trip
When Bill came in for therapy he said, “I want to last longer in bed to please my partner.” That’s the way men who have difficulty lasting describe what they want. They are very goal-oriented. They never say things like, “I’d like to enjoy sex longer.” The aim is to perform better and impress their partner.
I like to think of sex as a vacation from the stress of life. Men who are concerned about lasting longer want to impress their partner and be successful. The joy of sex turns into the job of sex. Getting over the problem requires exactly the opposite approach. Lasting ten or more minutes in bed isn’t a great accomplishment. It’s pleasurable. It’s fun. Sex, when it is working right, is shared pleasure and good feelings. It’s love and affection.
Sometimes, just understanding this is enough to clear up the problem. And that’s how it happened with Bill. Just a simple 10 minute talk from me about the source of the problem helped him cure his mild premature ejaculation. As he came to understand the process and feelings in his body, his body began to respond differently and he got control.
So what you have just read is the first step to cure premature ejaculation. The next step for many men who want to last longer in bed is to CLICK HERE and discover the secret of control through self-hypnosis.